I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everclear isn't food dammit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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