i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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