Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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