there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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