Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love you.
Bad choice
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
