well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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