I will die if light touches me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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