I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
