Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
