I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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