Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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