I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
