i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
