Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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