you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
