You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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