Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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