eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
