I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
