By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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