ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
