The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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