i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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