and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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