Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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