ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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