Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
