Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No subtext here. People are naked.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
