I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
