how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
