He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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