how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
