your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
