So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
