The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
