I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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