Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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