I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
