I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Text me some of your sweat
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize