You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
