I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
