i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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