we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
