Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
