I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
