Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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