I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
