garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
