Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
