We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
