Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
