Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
