i don't like sucking hair
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
