Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
