Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
