This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
