Small penises have feelings too.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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