There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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