mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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