id be glad to
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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