Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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