did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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