Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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