Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
