We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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