I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
