I CAN MOONWALK!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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