It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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