So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
