I murdered the dance floor call the cops
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
