I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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