Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
