if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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