you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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