I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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