watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
