I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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