the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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