Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im on a boat
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