If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
