Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
