lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
