I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
