Christians are straight up FREAKS
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
