please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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