i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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