Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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