i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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