I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
